It was a Monday when I hit my 38-week mark and it felt like the beginning of another normal week. Beyond the occasional Braxton-Hicks contractions, I hadn’t experienced any real signs of labor yet.
THE NEXT DAY
Tuesday’s weather in St. Louis was painfully cold and my mom even texted me to see if I went to work that day. I reminded her that my lab was 0.4 miles from the hospital, so being at work actually felt more convenient than being at home. In the afternoon, I texted Evan and joked that I would probably go into labor on the coldest day of the year because that’s just our luck. Sure enough, the baby wanted out right as the “polar vortex” and its subzero temperatures swooped in. There were parts in the Midwest that were colder than the North Pole, Alaska, and even Antartica. Like how?
I remember moving slower than usual that day and thought it was just weather-related. I felt frozen to my core, but to my surprise, my physical setbacks were labor-related as well. Getting around was getting to be a major struggle, but I was thankful to have made it through another day without slipping on ice.
Later that evening, I was at home making dinner – Japanese curry – when I felt a sudden urge to pee. I was pretty used to peeing every hour so I didn’t think anything of it…until I walked out of the restroom and felt a huge gush of liquid. I thought I had peed myself somehow, but quickly realized it was actually my water breaking. I yelled for Evan and waddled awkwardly into the kitchen while holding my belly. We just stared at each other and my eyes started welling up with tears. He asked “is it time?” and I responded with “oh my god, what do we do?”
Needless to say, I was high-key freaking out and Evan was, oddly, very calm. It reminded me of how grateful I was to have him by my side and why I married him in the first place. He’s usually good about being focused and ready when I need him.
He told me to call the hospital and let them know my status. I thought to myself…duh, that’s step one…how did I forget that? My mind was completely blank and I needed to snap out of it. I called the hospital and the doctor told me that I had a few hours and didn’t need to come in right away. It was already around 9pm, so we finished making dinner (even though we didn’t eat any of it) and decided to sleep for a few hours before heading to the hospital. Very anti-climactic.
At about 3am, we said our goodbyes to Maddie, the dog, (and our old life haha) and promptly made our way to the hospital. Not a single car was on the streets, which made for a peaceful trip and also gave me time to collect my thoughts.
THE BIRTH
The moments leading up to the birth is a bit blurry for me, but I’ll try to recall as much as I can. It was now early morning on Wednesday and I remember being 1 of 2 moms that checked into labor and delivery. I remember being in triage and getting approved to be moved to a birthing suite. I remember a sweet nurse that took my vitals and gave me the advice of getting my epidural as soon as I could so I wouldn’t feel a thing (she was right…I didn’t feel anything). I remember dreading how many times I would be poked with a needle. I remember the dull pain from where the nurse inserted the IV line. I remember how I had to get the epidural twice because it only numbed my left side and only partially numbed my right side, even after the second try. I remember comfort eating ALL of the popsicles and lemon ices during my 29 hours of labor. I remember seeing multiple contractions on the monitor, but not feeling a single one of them (and wondered how my mother gave birth – twice – without an epidural). I remember losing too much amniotic fluid and the doctors needing to deliver fluid back into my uterus…who knew they could do that? I remember the baby being under stress and her heart rate dropping after each contraction, so they increased my Pitocin dosage to speed up labor and avoid an emergency C-section. I remember being woken up for another dilation check and being told that we were at 10 cm and fully effaced! And lastly, I remember how peaceful the delivery was and how the doctor let me feel the baby’s hair when she was crowning.
Neither of us cried when she was finally out and on my chest for skin-to-skin. Both Evan and I were just glad that he didn’t pass out and that baby girl was well.
Karime Kate O’Shea was born on Thursday, January 31, 2019 at 12:15am // 6 lbs // 18.75 inches long
RECOVERY
We stayed in the birthing suite for a couple more hours before being moved to one of the Mother-Baby rooms. Evan and I took turns holding Karime and quietly processed the experience. We were both in disbelief that she was ours and that we were her parents! It was crazy to finally see her face and hold her frail little body.
The first thing I noticed about Karime were her lips because they are an exact copy of my lips. Her round, rolling eyes and her wispy eyelashes entertained me for quite some time. I’ve always thought newborns looked wrinkly and scary, but the familiarity of her features provided a lot of comfort. She was perfect to me.
In the midst of all the distractions, I didn’t realize how starved I was and was so glad a nurse offered me some sustenance. A much-needed turkey sandwich and some juice gave me my second wind and brought me back to life. My legs were still SO numb though and felt like giant noodles. I was embarrassed that a nurse had to help me pee and help me change my undergarments. I knew she was a trained professional and it was nothing out of the ordinary for her, but it was pretty uncomfortable for me. I felt like my privates were just obliterated and I didn’t want anyone traumatized by the sight of it. I just kept saying I’m sorry and she kept smiling sweetly and reassured me that it was fine.
Evan was in charge of keeping our family and friends up to date and coordinating when people would be visiting. I remember thinking how lucky we were to have so much support and that Karime had no idea how loved she was already. For both Evan’s family and mine, Karime is the first grandchild. I was so happy that most everyone could drive down and meet our little bundle of cuteness.
KARIME’S FIRST DAYS
Because Karime was born at 12:15am and the delivery day isn’t counted by insurance, we got to stay in the hospital for three days instead of two. I liked that I essentially got another full day of help from the nurses. It was much needed because this new mom life was not easy and effortless for me.
Karime was ‘hangry’ for most of her first day alive and my colostrum didn’t satiate her at all. My biggest regret as a first time mom was not speaking up for my child when I instinctively knew something was wrong. I breastfed her for hours on end that day and she would just grow more and more upset. I communicated my concerns, but the nurses just stood by the ‘breast is best’ motto and advised me to continue breastfeeding. Though I agreed with that philosophy at first, I’ve since converted to the ‘fed is best’ idea. Encouraging mothers to breastfeed makes total sense, but refusing to acknowledge a baby’s needs is unacceptable. Long story short, my baby passed out from starvation (guys, her lips turned BLUE…like what the heck) and the nurses had no choice but to administer formula. She only needed a few milliliters and slept pretty well afterward. Besides this scare, I had a great birthing experience overall and next time, I’ll know to pack my own formula.
My breastmilk wouldn’t be coming in for a few days and Karime was an advanced eater, so I was relieved that I got the green light to continue giving her formula. She was desperately wanting to be fed and was so much happier for the remainder of our stay at the hospital.
The next couple of days consisted of us cycling through her sleeps, feeds, and poops. I was hitting a new point of exhaustion and was on my own cycle of painkillers to minimize how sore everything felt. My body was also going through quite a bit hormonally, but I coped with it as best as I could. The only thing that made me feel better was holding Karime and staring at her. She couldn’t do much, being a helpless baby and all, but she was already teaching me things I’ve never learned and encouraged me to embrace this new chapter in my life.
AT HOME
We got home Saturday afternoon and couldn’t wait to introduce Maddie to the baby. Maddie is old, crotchety, and hates change, so we didn’t expect her to be excited about the new addition. As predicted, Maddie curiously sniffed Karime a few times but was pretty dismissive of her. Even after a few months, she still ignores the baby and looks at us like ‘uhh so when is she going home?’ Karime, on the other hand, is so fascinated with Maddie and is so good at tracking the dog with her eyes now.
Aside from worrying about Maddie, I remember the first night at home being quite tough. I felt so disoriented and worn. To my surprise, the pain I was experiencing was manageable for the most part and it was the exhaustion that really got to me. I just wanted to sleep for 12 undisturbed hours, but the demands of motherhood were always looming. Karime seemed to be doing pretty well though. She was feeding normally and actually slept in her crib. I’ve heard that getting a baby acclimated to a crib is a challenge for many parents, but she seemed pretty open to it and took to her crib just fine.
It took me many days to process the whole birthing experience and becoming a mom. I still couldn’t believe Karime was my baby and that I was responsible for keeping her alive. I didn’t know I had it in me, but I’m 3 months in now and am finally getting the hang of it. My best advice for new moms is to be patient and kind with yourself and with the baby. The newborn phase is nothing short of intense, but it’s fleeting so try to find the joys hidden in each day. Before you know it, your baby will be double her birth weight, sleeping through the night, and looking like a toddler, and you’ll wonder where all the time went.
